Excorsize

How many of you put on the exercise clothes and just will the next 45 minutes away. Let the evil take hold. Feed it cardio, feed it weights. Feed it…leg day. Why in the demons am I here?

The seconds are never as fast as I think they are on the treadmill or the stair stepper or the rowing machine. Could have sworn it was five minutes, only two and a quarter? This podcast is nice, but it’s all a bit slow for my liking. Heaven forbid I join a class- that’s when you’re truly trapped. I was recently fishing through my workout bag and found a wine key—so that’s where I am.

Last year. I called an established restaurateur, a friend, I was stressed out, “Thoughts?” I asked him. He had four. One of the four was exercise. So, a month later, I joined a gym.

For the first three months I packed a swimsuit, sweatpants, and slides. Steam room, sauna, hot tub. I didn’t leave the locker room unless to leave the gym. The showers my goodness. Pump, pump, pump. That’s me triple shampooing with both shower heads on full blast, rocking that fresh razor for one time and one time only.

And then the weather got nice and I took that swim suit to the pool with a book. I liked to lay near the lap pool because there were less children’s noises as well as the water was colder for about the same reasons. I bought a pair of goggles and began swimming at night after work-- there was actually a small crowd of men who did the same.

“I’m going swimming again tonight,” I’d tell Donna, followed by “hope that guy from last night is back.” Which guy I now don’t remember, they come and go, but they are everywhere outside the women’s locker room and that is a plus.

And then a guy friend, the one who told me about the gym deal through BlueCross Blue Shield, took me on a workout—really, we both wanted to get to the end where we used the “recovery room” where you get kneaded liked brioche while scrolling through pictures of random places like Prague. I don’t think I’ll scroll through Prague again, to be honest.

But he showed me the machines, and just getting a little introduction helped a lot. You know I could do three minutes which felt like five on three different machines and voila somehow 20 minutes of weights has come to be.

So, forcing it through a few weeks of cardio, unwilling sit-ups, all of that- you get a little bit stronger, a little bit happier. The out of the blue staircase doesn’t illicit weezing but instead energy and the desire for more. Just a little harder, a little longer. That feels good.  The sleep is better though I have a pill for that now.

I used to box. I loved it and had the potential to be good from what Lou Savarese told me, I could punch HARD. I boxed briefly with him before, a birthday present of classes from my brother, and after that I just didn’t have the budget nor the discipline to continue. But around the time Tony’s called I had bought a mouthguard and begun figuring out the paperwork I needed to sign in order to get in the ring with someone.

I like hitting things—not people—well yes, in the proper setting that sounds okay. But you see at this gym the bags are right in the middle of everything. I keep telling myself I’m working up the physical stamina to box again, but really, it’s the confidence to box in the middle of the room. Wrap up those wrists and let them fly- that is a true workout- fifteen minutes and you are good. After that, I’m free to fish for the wine key again.